Today, several people from my home county added pictures to facebook and I looked through them.. photos of a young football player on a Friday night, little brother held on shoulders, the dusty little cowboy boots dangling… a family birthday party… a gigantic drooping cloud, golden from the sunset, dwarfing the white windmills in the far background… good old familiar fields.

Every night, for many a summer,  I would walk to the farmhouse and see the sunset through these trees… knowing that I could always walk a few steps out of my way, and there I would be, no trees or telephone lines, nothing but the flat field and the sky and me.

I didn’t expect to stay in a place where so much separates sunset and me for longer than I had to. And yet I’ve been out of school for a year almost, and I’m still living in the middle of a big town! And, it’s where God wants me to be, so it doesn’t feel like torture. The people in my life make it more than bearable.

But today, looking at those pictures, I was the teenage girl who couldn’t imagine being happy living anywhere else.

It’s one thing to visit. Another to live there. It takes years to get to you. For you to look past all the nonexistent mountains, expected forests and imaginary hills that make up many an attractive destination. I can only describe it as being pure. Quiet. Not exactly timeless, but filled with time, slowly flowing. Open. Bleak and refreshing.

Solitude comes with the territory.

I miss having animals that I can go out and visit any time. I even miss spacious drives, miles between errands and home. The stars at night, of course… stretched and gauzy, the Milky Way, kiloparsecs from our leaning white wellhouse.

Miss Ruby, former inhabitant of our farmhouse, could hardly bear to give up the view of the sunset from the kitchen window, when age pushed her to relocate. The skies draw you in, proclaiming the work of His hands, new and exciting every day, gift after gift, cloud after cloud.

I think of all of the dusty stacks of old “Country” magazines that Miss Ruby would give us.. the tagline always has stuck with me: “for those who live in or long for the country.” It’s one or the other. I always long, at least a little bit, for my home corner of Colorado, all the familiar glory written across its skies, underlined by flat horizon.

Thankful for…

• the last days of sunshiney nice fall weather
• my lovely job, where relaxing in a park on a beautiful day with enjoyable company is perfectly encouraged (Mrs. T loves to take pictures)
• friends

Portrait of a Caregiver
September 2010

Mrs. T wanted to take some pictures in front of these flowers at the end of the summer.

The healthier campfire food… smores to come.

The begging dogs (Emily’s tactic: stare you down demandingly. Joey’s tactic: Melt you with a humble, trusting gaze.), the visiting roommate, the returned brother.

The sunset corner.

The hilarious, dysfunctional master/dog relationship.

All of the siblings, together again at the end of the summer.

We laughed and told stories, laying around the campfire in the cool Colorado air. I fell asleep and woke up at 2, with a blurry ember at my feet, a blurry shadow at my side, and a blurry speckled black tent of sky over my head. I finally found my glasses and left the fire, the Emily, watched for one more magical meteor, and stumbled to the house.

The I-80 sunrise.

Simple times take work and driving, but they are worth it. Every summer needs at least once sibling campfire.

And believe me, I was thinking, I’m not even a student anymore, what on earth am I doing on campus at 7:30 a.m.?

Anyway, the blond roommates were very cute and perky and had cute hair and were carrying books and had backpacks and it was exciting to send them off to class.

It made me remember my first day of my last semester of school, a year ago.

Sitting in a class that I was excited about, with one of my favorite professors, I had probably one of my top moments of pure thankfulness. As I was passed my copy of the syllabus, instead of behaving like a proper student and being slouched in my seat, staring into space, or texting… I kinda got tears in my eyes. Not because the syllabus scared me to death or something. I just realized what a gift it was for me to be there.

Having completed a long, hard summer. Very long, very hard, very exhausting.

Being alive, never something to take for granted, and the medical stuff from the summer had me left pondering this a lot. There were many questions.

Being in America, free to go to school and wear what I want and learn what I am interested in.

I felt ridiculous, sniffling and smiling. But I was thankful then. I’m trying to be thankful now, now that my life isn’t quite so mapped out by semesters, class schedules, and the easy answer of “I’m a student”.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Noelle and I waiting for Megan and Madeleine’s play to begin

I officially only work part-time. At two jobs. But life is very full-time right now, between “unofficial” caring for people (as in not related to work) and moving and health stuff and family stuff (plays, graduations, grandparent’s 60th,you name it).

Now I’m squeezing in a few hours at the honors office, but sitting still is a very strange feeling.

(Oh, and P.S., back in January… I had actually made this long list of possible things I would do this spring. Because I was worried that I would do nothing but work and watch TV. Ha! Obviously I was crazy.)

Honestly, I don’t get aggravated back very easily when I encounter this kind of feeling. Because maybe I’ll be a sweet, easygoing old lady…. but maybe, more likely, I will be at least a little grouchy, stubborn, and want to be independent as much as I can. And come on, being old gives you a little more license to be grouchy, so why not just go for it!

Now she has gotten used to me. Last week she even told me to my face that she liked me– whoa!! Strong words for her. And I like her back. So there.

So instead of just killing time doing chores, I try to engage her as much as possible, even though its risky cause she’s not always in the best of moods. I bring in flowers from her backyard. I’ll stop on the way to her house and bring her a Jamocha shake or a lemon danish. And instead of just going the frozen dinner route, I try to come up with something for supper that is nutritious, colorful, and easy to chew… a successful day is her eyes lighting up when I bring her supper, followed by her eating all of it! I kinda like the challenge.

Side note: she loves butter. Not margarine. Butter. I just think that’s fun. And coffee. (Sounds like Val!)

In other words… I am really in love with my job. I can’t get over how much I love it. I’m so grateful to be getting paid to show care for some really neat and awesome elderly folks. Trying to get better at it.

Ok, yes, I did go here! And I also came back.

And it was amazing.

I loved every minute.

Seriously, I can’t think of a minute I didn’t love… even the instances of mosquito bites and sunburns seemed almost like old friends. Well except for a few moments at 5:00 one morning when I did not want to be  bothered by even the oldest of friends, or be reminded why my summer 2009 nickname was “Old Sweller”… but I’ll save that story for another time!

It was so great.

I expected that since it was my second time to go, I would be able to absorb more and not be constantly adapting to a new experience. Well that went fine until Friday, the day of the tournament, when I was overwhelmed and just wishing I could slow down time and remember each little bit. It was the best Jamaica nationals yet, it was amazing, it was awesome, and I will tell you more about it later!

• Definitely appreciate your prayers for my Dad. He woke up yesterday feeling just really sick. He has sinus/cold type stuff going on, maybe a sinus infection (because he’s like me and tends to get those, he has bad allergies). So between that and his headaches, physically he really needs help! He’s going to the dr. today. Please pray that he’ll be feeling a ton better by the time we leave on Sunday!
• Just in general pray for the health of my team! Mr. Rick’s back has been really hurting and keeping him from sleeping.  And in general, in the past there have been trips where lots of the team get sick from colds or food poisoning or whatever.
• And…. ok. Please pray for me health-wise. I actually have something that’s a rather serious ongoing issue, and have some more doctor stuff related to that that I went through just recently and more is coming up after I get back from Jamaica. It is just something that I know can get me distracted and anxious… but I don’t want to be worrying about it while I’m on this trip. Easier said than done! So please just pray that God’s peace will guard my heart and mind.
• Just in general that all these physical things won’t get between us and what God has for us this next week!

Thanks, so much!

Haha, aren’t they great? Not so great at holding still, but still great. I love the kiddos names in Jamaica… The young guy second from left in the back is named O’Brien. What a cool first name! And he was a classy quizzer, so smart. The boy peeking his head through to O’Brien’s left was one of the top quizzers and such a neat young man.

Me and Bianca last year. Looking through the line-up cards for this year, I believe she is quizzing again and so I am hoping to see her! She is from my favorite school, Rollins Success.

Team Wildcats. The girls were so shy at first but by the end of the week… they were still pretty shy. That’s ok, I was very shy when I was their age! And I still am kinda. They were part of the group that tagged along at my side all day at the national tournament after my quiz site closed down (which was early in the day, as we had the lowest site and first eliminations. Which equals heartbreak for the scorekeeper – me- by the way, I had to leave the room and shed a few tears every time after the teams left!!! Not exaggerating. ahhhhhh….

I hated telling them “you had done such an awesome job, that you were all so great and put so much effort into it, and you got 13th place out of 13 teams, but at this point you are eliminated.. which means you can’t quiz anymore today,” [even though I know you were just starting to get into it and understanding how to compete at this tough level.. and your coach was often gone because you have other better teams from your school].. “and uh, eliminated means you can’t quiz anymore today, but great job, keep practicing and go cheer for your other teams, and yes, sniff, you are done quizzing for the day which means.. yeah.. “).      Ahh! Still a little scarred from that. I know what it’s like to be eliminated, even after giving it your best, ok?

You might hear “Bible Quizzing” and think stuffy, boring, nerdy, whatever. Ah no. It’s so much stinkin fun!!! As you can tell from this action shot.   You can also tell, by looking at the lights, that the girl with her hand in the air didn’t actually get this jump, though she thinks she did! Yep, someone sneaky over on the right got it.. fast jumps come in many forms! Oh quizzing. I love it.