ep⋅i⋅dem⋅ic ,ɛpɪˈdɛmɪk [ep-i-dem-ik] 

–noun

(Now, I have nothing against what I’m about to write about… in fact I am happy for the large numbers of my friends who are newly in relationships or whatever, and extremely excited for some who are recently engaged! BUT I am still overwhelmed by the sheer numbers.. never before have I noticed this much “twitterpation” at one time.)

The USA’s twitterpation epidemic continued to grow last week, with cases mounting in every state and dozens of new relationships reported among young adults, the government’s leading twitterpation expert said Friday.

Rising numbers have become afflicted so far, with widespread twitterpation activity reported in 49 states, up from 44 last week, says Pierce D. Hart, director of the Centers for Twitterpation Control and Prevention, engagement division.

“Twitterpation activity has continued to increase in a dramatic fashion,” he said in his weekly twitterpation update. “We’ve exceeded the normal parameters of what we’d expect for the pre-Valentine’s Day season.”

Hart blamed much of twitterpation’s recent influx on the increasing dominance of Facebook. In previous years people could build up immunity through chocolate or… chocolate. As a result, a Twitterpation Administration advisory panel recommended on Thursday that Facebook users stop the use of “fake” relationship statuses to slow down the seeming storm of twitterpation.